


Pie is Love, Blood is Life

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Barduil [9]
Category: Dracula Untold (2014), Pushing Daisies, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Reincarnation verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:47:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I hate you.”</p>
<p>“No, you don’t, you love me.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. It’s generally not good form to love someone who tries to kill you.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to kill you.”</p>
<p>“Mhm, well the bite mark on my neck would beg to differ there, Vlad.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pie is Love, Blood is Life

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out smaller than I wanted it to. But it is the start of a series, so I'm not gonna try to make it longer.
> 
> Lyrics are froim Gin Wigmore's Kill of the Night

_The danger is I'm dangerous_  
_And I might just tear you apart_  
_Oh, ah, oh_  
  
_I'm gonna catch ya_  
_I'm gonna get ya, get ya_  
_Oh, ah, oh_  
_I wanna taste the way that you bleed, oh_  
_You're my kill of the night_

The human is completely unaware as Vlad drops down behind them and grabs hold, hands tight on their arms as he’s about to sink his teeth into their neck. The human makes pathetic little whimpering noises and struggles in his hold, Vlad only smiles before his teeth break the skin. The blood is sweet upon his tongue.

“P-please.” The human pleads, “I don’t want to die.” Vlad pauses, his entire body freezing. The blood is warm against his lips but he uses every bit of strength he has to pull away, lick his lips and spin the human to him, more forcefully than he intends to. He gasps and scrambles away as if burned when he sees the human’s face.

“Thranduil?” he exclaims, staring in shock at the human, who blinks up at him slightly dazed and confused, swaying on his feet.

“B-Bard?” the human asks, and Vlad reaches forward to steady him.

“I’m sorry.” Vlad says, hovering around the human, who is slowly becoming more coherent. “How are you feeling?”

“Like someone just tried to drink my blood.” The human answers, giving him a small glare. He smiles sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

“Bard, is it really you?”

“Yes. Er, though it’s Vlad, now.”

“Vlad?” the human asks, smiling slightly.

“Otherwise known as Dracula.”

“Yes, I figured.” He says, laughing. “Who would have thought, hmm?”

“And you?” Vlad asks, receiving a small frown from the human.

“Ned.” He replies, Vlad starts laughing, earning a light heartened slap on the arm. “It’s not funny. My brothers got ‘Maurice and Ralston’ and I got stuck with ‘Ned’. Ugh.” Vlad bites his lip to stop laughing, but he can’t quite control himself, even as Ned glares at him. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t, you love me.”

“I don’t know. It’s generally not good form to love someone who tries to kill you.”

“I wasn’t going to kill you.”

“Mhm, well the bite mark on my neck would beg to differ there, _Vlad.”_

“I wasn’t going to kill you.” Vlad defends himself, before sighing and rolling his eyes. “Okay, maybe I was going to kill you. But I’m not _now_.”

“Because I’m Thranduil?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm.”

“Oh, don’t be like that.” Vlad rolls his eyes. “I need human blood to survive. If I could cease drinking it, I would.”

“Maybe you could stop killing innocent people for their blood?”

“It would be possible, I suppose.” Vlad answers, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “But how many bad people can there be in a small town like this?” Ned snorts and shakes his head.

“You’d be surprised.” He replies, sighing. “One of my jobs is to help a Private Investigator with solving murders. The pay is pretty good.”

“ _One_ of your jobs?” Vlad asks, surprised.

“Yes. One of my jobs. I also own a pie shop.”

“A pie shop?” Vlad clarifies, laughing. “Thran, you hate pie.”

“I did not hate pie. I simply disliked it.” Ned answers, sniffing and turning his nose up. “There is a difference.”

“Uh-huh. I’m sure there is.”

“There is. It is impossible to hate pie. Pie is love. Pie is life.”

“I would like to put forth the notion that blood is life.”

“Well, yes, you would, wouldn’t you? Being a vampire, and all.” Ned says, smiling. “How’d that happen, anyway?”

“Becoming a vampire?” Ned sends him an exasperated look, and Vlad laughs. “Sorry. Uh, you’ve probably read the stories.”

“I’ve heard them, many different versions.”

“Oh. I’ll tell you about it sometime, just, not right now.”

“Okay.” Ned says, feeling at the bite on his neck, and frowning when his fingers come away wet with blood, Vlad licks his lips at the sight. “I’m not going to become a vampire, am I?” Ned asks, glancing to Vlad, who smiles softly and shakes his head.

“No, you have to drink my blood for that.”

“Ah.” Ned says, dabbing at the bite with the collar of his shirt.

“Sorry.” Ned grins at Vlad and rolls his eyes.

“Don’t be. I’ll live.”

“You better.” Vlad replies, a little too quickly, Ned smiles sadly at him, his eyes shining with understanding.

“Well, in this life, you can gift me immortality, like I could not do for you. I’m not leaving you again.” Ned says, stepping into Vlad’s space and wrapping his arms around the vampire, resting his head on Vlad’s shoulder. “We have all the time in the world.”

“And then some.” Vlad growls, wrapping his arms around Ned and holding on as tight as he dare. “Don’t let go.” He whispers. And before Ned can reply, the two of them shift into a swarm of bats, and the swarm flies into the night air, alighting on the roof of the tallest building in the city, where they form back into Ned and Vlad once more.

“Oh my God!” Ned exclaims, breathing heavily and clutching tightly to Vlad. “What the hell was that?”

“I have dominion over the creatures of the night…”

“We turned into _bats_ ”

“Yes, we did.” Vlad answers, grinning widely. “Problem?”

“Bard! We turned into **_bats!”_**

“I thought you’d like to see the city from up high, but apparently you’re more interested in the fact we turned into bats, so.” Vlad tightens his hold on Ned a little bit and grins wickedly. “Hold tight.” He says, before they turn into a swarm of bats again, flying towards the ground, where they become a white tailed deer, running through the streets. The deer ducks into a back alley behind a hotel and turns into a swarm of fireflies, which flies up to an open window on the fifth floor, and enters into a hotel suite, becoming Vlad and Ned once more.

Vlad releases Ned the moment Ned starts trying to pull away. Ned breathes deeply and stumbles away from Vlad, reaching out to grasp hold of the nearest furniture, an armchair, to steady him.

“What was _that?”_

“I have dominion over the creatures of the night, Thran, I told you.” Vlad says, smirking at him.

“Yes, because that explains why you can turn into different creatures.”

“It does, though.” Vlad replies, shrugging his shoulders. “Look, I’ve never understood it, but if a creature is nocturnal, or mostly crepuscular, I can turn into them.”

“That does not make sense.”

“Thran. I’m a _vampire,_ you used to be an _elf,_ and we’re both reincarnations of another life. And this is what confuses you?”

“… I suppose.” Vlad facepalms and shakes his head.

“Never change, dove.” He says, earning a snort from Ned.

“Oh, I’m definitely going to change, meleth. I have to become a vampire at some point, after all.”

“True.”

“But, I’ll try not to change outside of that.” Ned says, approaching Vlad again, and breaching his personal space.

“Good.” Vlad says, pulling Ned to him. “Now, may I kiss you?”

“I hope you’re going to do more than kiss me. But, it’s as good a place as any to start.” Vlad laughs, shaking his head.

“Patience used to be a virtue of yours.”

“I didn’t value the passage of time then as I do now.”

“Ah. Of course, a hundred years is a blink in the life of an elf. Wasn’t that what you used to say?”

“Oh, shut up, and kiss me.”

“Your wish is my command.” Vlad answers, before pressing his lips to Ned’s. It is like flicking a switch, as in the next moment, their hands tangle in each other’s hair, and they seem like they won’t part again for anything.

“If this isn’t your hotel suite, I’m going to be so embarrassed.” Ned mutters against Vlad’s lips when the kiss ends, causing the vampire to laugh again.

“It’s mine, don’t worry.”

“Good.” Ned answers, pulling Vlad into another kiss as the two of them stumble their way to the bedroom. They have a lot of time to make up for, at least two eternities worth, and they are damned if they won’t catch up.


End file.
